Can i not drive my cunt home
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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