Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
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