Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
