you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
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I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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