I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
