STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
