it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
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also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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