I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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