what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
