like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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