Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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