What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
