if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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