Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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