I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
