What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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