I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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