so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
