the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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