I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
