He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
