Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You made out with two different species that night
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
