it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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