How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
