But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
