I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
