Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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