This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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