I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
