We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
