Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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