Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
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You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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