i think my tv is drunk
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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