He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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