erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
