Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
