is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
