Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
As shirtless as possible
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
