In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
