Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
