420 ftw
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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