You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize