Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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