i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I believe in your delicious
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
