I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I forgot how hot balto sounded
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
