He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
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Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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