I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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