your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
