So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
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You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
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I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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