Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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