rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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