Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
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Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
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I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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