Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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