I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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