while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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