drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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