I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She said her name was "party"
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
