wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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