im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
