You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
