I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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