No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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