people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
