Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Randomize
