cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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