I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
