Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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