Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
