addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
