I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
