By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
