he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
