Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
