His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
