My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
this just has baby written all over it
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
