She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
