My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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