Quick, to the slutcave!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
