First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
