i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
